Hollow Hope (?)

As I make my escape my past is tailgating me
When I look in the mirror it's my mistakes I see.
A reflection of me: could it really be?
Could all the stuff that I've done define me?
No! I pray it ain't true
Cuz when I think of all the stuff that I used to do
It scares me.
Those bloodstained hands were really me.
That filthy mind was really me.
That cloudy conscience was really me.
All those evil deeds were really me!
Collapsing under the weight of all the things that I've done
I think the battle's lost cuz I'm the only one
Who's swam in a pool of blood from those I've hurt,
From those I've injured, those I've killed.
Yeah, when I did my thing there was blood that was spilled.
Crushed hearts and emotions, ruined lives
I was feeding of those like it helped me survive!
Flowing through my veins were feelings of lust.
It dirtied my mind like thick clouds of dust.

For a while I was happy, yeah, I was fine. Then came time for me and death to dine. Dancing with the devil, it opened my eyes. To the truth that the devil was feeding me lies. Then I learned I was feeding my cancerous sin. Temptation's a revelation of the feelings within. When I learned about this lie I fell in a bottomless hole. Cuz I examined my stone heart and was greeted with something cold.

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But on the fumes I'm choking, the devils hands on my eyes,

I'm walking into traps and I don't even realize, 

I gotta break this habit, I gotta see the blackness,

and fight for my life, no more letting it slip past me, 

so I'll pray a prayer, give me strength God, 

cause I can't fight this alone, but I'm not ready to die.

v2 The truth will set me free? Then why am I still in chains? I thought it promised me comfort, but all I feel is pain. Surrounded by dark clouds all I see is rain. All I'm pleading is for someone to make these wild feelings tame. I'm feeling lame, body numb. Can't quite express it, I'm feeling dumb. But you get the picture, the image is clear. Everything I once loved has brought me fear. I'm driven to tears by the me of the past. As I cry I ask myself, how long will this last? Like the click of a button, will my history erase? Will I go incognito and never have to face The old version of me that has been disgraced? Cuz I've defiled my God, I brought insult to injury. Cuz Christ died that day when I hung him on that tree. When I spit at his face and told him I'd rather die Than make him my king, and that he shouldn't even try. Cuz it would never happen, I'm a slave to myself. I was a blind fool cuz he was offering me help. Yeah, offering me help, so he died for me. He died for ME when I put him on that tree. And the guilt I have, all the shame I once felt, Jesus felt the same way when God's wrath was dealt. The hand I've been dealt is completely unfair. If I wanted my rights I would have been there.

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This feeling's so routine, it's like I'm stuck on replay. All the mistakes that I've done become clearer everyday. I'm stranded on an island, and I think I'm here to stay. It's like I'm going deaf cu I can't hear a word You say. With 66 love letters You speak volumes to me. And like a stereo on blast You're as clear as can be! So why does my mind, and my body and soul Block out all Your words and leave a big gaping hole? Is this it for me? Is this all I'll ever be? Will I never see the light? Should I just give up the fight?

I know You're my hero who will fight my dark night. But I don't feel that way, and I'm starting to lose sight. Of who I am, or where I am. I'm stuck in this abyss, and I don't know the way out. I cry and I scream but no one hears me shout. I know You can show me the route to escape this ghost story. Turn these ashes to riches, let this wretch bring You glory! I don't know if I'm too late, but I'm begging You know: Make this broken man new somehow.

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